Garance Galore

Yes, I’m a mom now! A mom, a mother, his Mother. Can you believe it? I can’t. So much has happened in so little time, a whole new life has begun, literally, my son’s. So, how does it feel to be a mother now? My friends have been asking. And I’m not sure. Complete? But incomplete when half of my heart is now outside of me. Tired, but reenergized when I lay my eyes on him.

I was prepared to feel all kinds of things, I thought I could drown and not swim back up, maybe. Drown and lose a part of me. But, oh, I couldn’t be more wrong. The truth is, I was unprepared, unprepared to receive such a gift. Him. It’s hard to explain how I feel without sounding like a total cliché or like I am dismissing the hardships, but finally meeting my son has been the greatest joy of my life. And I still cannot believe it is real, I get to be his mother, me.

On a different note, giving birth was the most intense and the hardest thing I’ve ever done, no doubt. The scariest too. I remember the fear, the pain, the blood and the chills… all of it. And I want to write, and write, and write about it all but it is no easy task to put words on something as inexplicable and intimate as creating life. There are moments that aren’t clear to me, it all went so fast. And others I vividly remember, but the shock was so immense that I only began to truly realize what happened when I started feeling the boiling hot water on my skin.

Garance